Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
