Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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