Yo dont text me then not text me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
