the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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