butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
