Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
