There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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