After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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