he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
