People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
