Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
