My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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