I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
