It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
