dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
