I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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