And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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