If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
