i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I forget how to act sober
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
