My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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