just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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