I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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