I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
