Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
