cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
