playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
