Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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