This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
