They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
