I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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