saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
