You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
