I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
