How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
