I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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