she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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