anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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