And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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