She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
