My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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