If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
