I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
