You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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