why didn't you poke me back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
