Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
