I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
