I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
