I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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