everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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