So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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