i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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