Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
