just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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