so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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