I heard we made out
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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