The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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