Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
