I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
this is an emotional support booty call
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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