why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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