Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
