I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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