i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
