Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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