I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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