she woke up with a sticky ear
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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