so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
