You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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