I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
