Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
