Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
