why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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