Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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