M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
