I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
